you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
