i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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