Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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