Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
