I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
