Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
