so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
