He told me they were just razor bumps!
she peed on how many people?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
