i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
