she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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