update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
