Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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