I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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