Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
