I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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