It's Friday. Sex?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
