I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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