She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
