She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
