i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
