I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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