apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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