dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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