how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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