Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
