We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
