Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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