i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
