I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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