Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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