I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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