I smell stomach acid.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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