if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
