I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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