I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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