Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
