we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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