Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
