why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
