So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
