Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
