areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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