she looked like the before picture.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's shark week go big or go home
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
