I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
