I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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