he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
