All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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