Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
