nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
