You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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