Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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