last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
