I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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