If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
