I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
