Soap is not a condiment
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
