Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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