ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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