You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
