walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is glitter all over my balls
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
