did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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