Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
