My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
