She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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