I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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