He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
