Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think your dad took our porno
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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