I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize