I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
