I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
