MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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