she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
