so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The air was thick with penises
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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