I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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