She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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