connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
