I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
