Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
