Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
