ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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