i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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