just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
