Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
